pink isn't always cute but is always dominating

@TheCaffeinatrix and Moi in Central Park, as it should be

Last week I had to pleasure of escaping the routine of my life and wreak some beautiful havoc with friends new and old. Yes folks, the AimingLow crew blasted through Boston and New York and the recaps are gathered over yonder.

Anyhow, on the last day I was lollygagging around my hotel room -- because I'm really good at lollygagging, so much so that I should go pro -- and my phone rang. Now that in itself is not astounding: I own a phone and on occasion it rings. I usually ignore it because you know: phone = talking with people = things motherbumper does not like to do. But this time I noticed it was my child's school.

Before I could finish applying a proper panic face, it went to voice mail.

As helplessness set in, I dialled 98 to hear my child's fate.

Hello G's mom, we know you are away but we thought we would call to tell you your daughter is fine but... she has pink eye.

Way to give me a heart attack school admin (but joking aside: I do appreciate their attention to detail, they are good people at that place).

So after I phoned home to scream "BURN THE SHEETS, DON HAZMAT SUITS, BUUUUURN THE TOWELS! DAMMIT!" I braced myself for yuckiness. We've battled pink eye in these parts before and it ain't pretty.

Now I don't know about you but pink eye makes it sound so cute. But it's about as cute as string cheese served over snot.

So short of long: my daughter went from dressing as Snow White for Hallowe'en to doing a frighteningly eerie Jack LaMotta a la DeNiro from Raging Bull.

Obviously Hallowe'en was also a bust which meant: NO BAG OF CANDY FOR MOMMA TO STEAL FROM. Don't panic though, I rectified that ticktyboo. Sale candy tastes even sweeter.

So the daughter was bummed to miss the trick or treating and not one to keep quiet, she demonstrated her sadness in one of the most moving self portraits we've seen in these here parts:

Portrait of an Young Artist with Pink Eye

She is all healed now which is a great relief to all. None of us want to do those drops ever again (*knock wood*). We have the bruises and partial deafness to prove it.

ANYHOW - lots of mail waiting for me when I got back and the coolest thing in the pile by far is this t-shirt:

The Mominatrix book will be out in the new year so I can finally get that all important guide to sex. About damn time and maybe it will explain a few things to me, like where the heck did that kid come from and why so sticky sex, I mean, is it that hard to be mess free? Seriously though, I love it when friends do amazing things like publish books or go to the grocery store with their pants on. I like to celebrate many accomplishments in life so three cheers for Madame Mominatrix, Kristen Chase.

Anyhow, the apartment is a disaster and I've got a ton of reading to catch up on so I've really got to get back to ignoring the dust bunnies because if I don't do it, who will?

Verified as Complex in Nature

Yesterday we went to the doctor and sure enough they confirmed what we suspected: Gigi is four.

I'm not sure how it happened but it's true. She is four.

FOUR.

One, two, three, four.

Overdone sentiments about wrinkles in time will be skipped and I'll just go directly to screaming with a generous helping of denial.

We sat in the office for almost an hour discussing complex issues like nutritious food versus heaven sent candy, good touch/bad touch, empathy, and quantum theories of time. For the record, her physical reality is totally molecular and based on how many sleeps until Christmas.

But the important thing in that last paragraph is we discussed these complexities. We. Two doctors, Gigi, and I discussed her milestones and development.

No chasing her around the room, no prying medical equipment out of her hands while I tried to answer their questions, no bribing her to get on the scale and stand up straight (still bribes though to get her double arm jabs because HELLO! NEEDLES! I still need bribes to get needles and I'm four plus a zero). But basically four very complex individuals sat in a room discussing very complex issues and everyone had input and opinions.

Everyone.

Because she is four.

Coming to a city near you... it's MOTHERBUMPER LIVE!

Do you live anywhere near the following cities?

TORONTO
BOSTON
NEW YORK CITY

Yes? You do? AWESOME -- check these awesome tidbits out:

TORONTO
Catherine of Her Bad Mother fame and I are leading a course called Hands On Small Business (HOSB) over the next few weeks and there are four opportunities for you to join in. In a nutshell this is a course put together with the lovely ladies of Kirsty and the lovely techie folks of Microsoft for entrepreneurs to learn more about free online and social media solutions that can help their small businesses.

The course is FREE FREE FREE so register today. Hey, did I ever mention that in a former life sans enfant I was a Microsoft developer? No? Well I was and I'm lending my expertise to those who want it. Booyah.

BOSTON & NEW YORK CITY
Next weekend I will be leaving my poor family behind for an entire week so that I can party in Boston and New York City with YOU, HP, and the Aiming Low crew. But in order to party with us you must register and space is really limited so do it now, like RIGHT NOW.

Did I mention we will be giving stuff away in addition to the booze and chance to touch my left breast (which is like my favourite breast and I just don't offer it up to anyone - you have to register to touch it, just ask my husband)? We will be in Boston on October 26th and New York City on October 28th so get ye self registered post haste.

Seacrest out.

For those outside of this geographically specific post, my apologies, I'm working with the powers to be to appear in your home as soon as possible, when you least expect it, whether you want me to or not. BOO-YAH.